Goldeneye - 1995

One of those films that make everything else seem probable... there are scenes so absurd that they aren’t even entertaining anymore, they are just plain: oh-come-on-what-is-this ...

The best part of the whole movie is the very small scene with M, where she tells him that she knows he doesn’t like her, and then she tells him why she doesn’t like him: “I think you’re a sexist , misogynist dinosaur, a relic of the cold war whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you” - so they DO know that he’s a sexist misogynist dinosaur!!! It’s nice to know. 

The most memorable part of the movie is the Q scene, you know, when Q presents Bond with a new series of gadgets, usually the only ones that he will use during that specific movie *rollingeyes

and in the background there are scenes of his people trying out other inventions, things going wrong, it’s quite funny actually :-p

Now, am I mistaken or Bond drove an Aston Martin only at the beginning, and later replaced it with a BMW? 

Details:

There are two 00 agents working together (one is Pierce Brosnan and the other is Sean Bean, which is something that needs to be pointed out). At first they call each other by their number, to let us understand that they are both secret agents, then they call each other by name to let us know that they are friends... I understand this, but it makes no sense, if there is no secrecy reason, why use the numbers at all....

They are on some mission in Russia, Alec is captured and shot... Bond escapes because in Bond movies he’s always lucky af, no other reason really.

At the beginning of the movie there is a bungee-jumping scene that is quite cool, actually, when our bond needs to go down a lot and fast.. but later scenes are just excessive.

To escape the Russians, he follows a plain on a motorbike (obviously no soldier knows how to shoot) and then... prepare yourself.. the plain jumps without him, so he launches himself off the cliff and what do you know, he reaches the plain, grabs it, enters, and goes away... one of those things that even Murdock would call crazy...

Anyway.

We see our Bond again on his favourite Aston Martin (if I’m not mistaken) with a blonde with him that should be evaluating him but since he’s the protagonist no female can resist him *rolling eyes..

He starts a stupid crazy race with a woman on a red car, avoiding accident after accident because of the usual luck.

We see that there is a group of people working with computers somewhere (a Russian base or something?) but as we see a pretty Russian blonde it’s pretty obvious what will happen, she will be the bond girl for sure.

When her friend Boris is out for a smoke and she’s gone for a few minutes, the place gets attacked, everybody killed and the place blown up. She’s safe somehow, she comes out of there and... let’s spare a comment on the make-up guys who did their best to give her a post-tragedy look while keeping her pretty at the same time. thumbs up.

She manages to get out and find the sledge dogs so she can save herself, good girl! Proud of you!

No surprise she ends up working with Bond to stop the bad guys that killed all her colleagues. 

She finds out that Boris is alive and betrayed her, while James finds out that Alec is alive and betrayed him. It’s good to have things in common right?

Of course since he’s called Bond nobody would dare kill him right away, noooo, they are both put into an helicopter where they will die in due time if they stay there and politely wait for their death, but the girl wakes him up... they quickly realise that if they stay there they’ll die, no kidding, so they try to free themselves but they are tied up, but James manages to hit the Eject button with his head... I’m serious, they put him right next to the eject button... these old movies... *sigh

They are questioned by the Russian minister of defence, but then Uronov comes him and kills him. He takes the girl away and Bond goes after him, with a tank, destroying half the city I guess, lots of building are crashed everywhere he goes (all empty I hope, but nobody cares enough to check...

sure, only the ground floors are destroyed, but still that’s not a good thing...

and during all this, the girl looks back at him all proud that he’s unstoppable in his mission to save her...

Bond even carries a monument statue over his tank at one point, and then he crashes it, of course. If there’s one thing Bond is good at , it’s destroying things.

Alec then asks him, what do you choose, the girl or the mission? He says that he can kill her, that she means nothing to him, but then he shoots Uronov first to save her and Alec escapes.

Obviously what follows is the two lovebirds kissing and having sex... 

One thing I’d like to ask these authors: Bond is supposed to be the hero, but you’re implying that he saved her because he likes her? So if they had taken hostage a man or a woman he wasn’t interested in sleeping with, he would have let him kill them? 

The funny CIA guy helps them a bit, but I expected more from the CIA. He didn’t know about the secret Goldeneye, a huge antenna that can destroy planes.

Bond and the girl find their way into the launch base where she changes their codes. Boris is working there for Alec, who is doing this for money after all.

Boris tries to find the new password but he needs time, and he keeps playing with the bomb-pen he took from Bond.. 

There’s a big Alec-vs-James fight where Alec wins, but doesn’t kill him giving him the chance to save himself once more, then Alec is killed, thrown down from up high.

Boris dies when he was about to celebrating his victory in finding the password, totally covered in liquid nitrogen.

Bond is saved by the girl.

When it’s all over, the Marines arrive. The missile was launched but it fails its target so the bank of England and all England’s computers are safe.

Bond and the girl are taken away by the Marines in a helicopter. The end.

This is what action movies were in the 90s.

James Bond - Pierce Brosnan

Alec - Sean Bean

Natalia - Izabella Scorupco

M - Judy Dench

Boris - Alan Cumming

Q - Desmond Llewelyn

Moneypenny - Samantha Bond