Wow, definitely a good movie, I feared it might be boring but it was interesting instead. It’s a big movie, if you know what I mean, but it’s also very long and harsh as a winter, so read this before you watch it again.
In the 19th century Peachy (Michael Caine) steals the watch of a journalist, Kipling (Christopher Plummer), but as soon as he takes a look at it, he recognizes the masonry symbol and hurries to give it back. With his friend Daniel (Sean Connery), the three of them become friends because united by the masonry brotherhood.
Peachy and Daniel were British soldiers who stayed in India and kept living with cons and scams, until they decided to aim bigger. They told Kipling their plan, signed a mutual contract in front of him and made him sign as a witness. Their idea was to travel to the remote Country of Kafiristan and become kings.. yep. They promise each other with that contract that they’ll give up drinking and women until they reach their goal, and also promise each other loyalty.
It’s a long and dangerous journey, they scam and they fight and at last travel through snowy mountains, where they think they’ll die so near their destination; luck comes to their aid: a big avalanche that fills the canyon they couldn’t cross. They finally reach a village: they promise their leader that they’ll help him get rid of his enemies and start training the men as soldiers in order to teach them how to “kill their enemies in a civilized way”. They easily defeat the enemy’s ‘army’, and during the battle Daniel is hit by an arrow but keeps fighting. As soon as the battle is over, they want the two villages to live in peace and united, and they want to proceed that same way with other villages in order to conquer the whole Country. Daniel is not even hurt by the arrow because it didn’t hit the flesh but was luckily stopped by a leather garment that I don’t remember how he called it, a sort of belt where he kept munitions or stuff. Still, the people saw him hit and unhurt, so they start thinking of him as a God, as the son of Sikander (that’s how they called Alexander the Great, who conquered the place once and then promised them to send a son to rule over them). Peachy reasons that it would be easier for them to let them believe it, it would make their plan easier, and it does, because soon they don’t even have to fight, the villages surrender to the God and bring them gifts. At one of these occasions Daniel sees a beautiful girl, Roxana, which incidentally is the name of Alexander’s wife. He does nothing about her because of his contract with Peachy, but then they are summoned by the great priest of the Country, who tries to kill him to see with his own eyes if he’s really the God they say he is (meaning, if he’s really a God they won’t be able to kill him or even hurt him). Peachy and Daniel try to fight back but there are too many men holding them still. Opening Daniel’s shirt though, they see the masonry symbol that Kipling gave Daniel as a token of friendship before saying goodbye: it’s also Alexander’s symbol, so they believe him to be really his son and their God. They give him the king’s crown and also Alexander’s big treasure.
It’s now full winter though, so Peachy reasons they should better wait a few months and then grab all that they can carry and peacefully leave the place and head back home.
When the moment of departure comes, Daniel has changed his mind: he enjoys being a king and dreams of meeting the Queen as an equal, and tells Peachy he doesn’t intend to leave. Also, as a King he thinks that he should leave his subjects an heir and therefore wants to choose a wife. He orders the men to bring him the girl named Roxana!
He doesn’t care about their beliefs at all, only his, and now that he’s King he thinks he’s entitled to take whatever or whoever he wants, but people think that a God can’t touch a mortal. Roxana is terrified of him because she believes him to be a God and thinks that if he’ll touch her she’ll burst into flames and die. When he declares her in front of everyone his Queen, she’s petrified, and when he tries to kiss her she bites his cheek and everybody can see blood on his face.
Obviously this means that he’s not a God after all, so they are chased. They try to fight back with their weapons, but there are simply too many men, and they have to surrender.
Nothing of this really surprised me because that’s men for you: thinking their way is the only way, getting used to power very easily letting it get to their heads, being arrogant and bossy… what I didn’t give for granted was the level of their friendship. When they see that they are surrounded and have no more weapons, Daniel apologizes to Peachy for getting him into this situation while he could have been far away already now with all his riches, and Peachy forgives him completely. This friendship is what makes this movie special. because they never broke their contract, they never fought over who had the most, who risked the most, or who deserved the most, as it usually happens. They stick to each other from beginning to end.
The people there have Daniel walk on the rope bridge he had ordered to build and when he’s at the middle they cut the ropes and he falls a long way down to his death.
Peachy is crucified between two trees but the next day he’s still alive so they let him go. It took him a year to make his way back to Kipling, and he tells him their story and leaves there Daniel’s head with the crown still on.
I don’t know why he did that, but it’s very symbolic and effective to have as a ultimate shot, the crowned head of the man who would be king and who lost his head for his crown.
P.s. The head was probably collected by the locals, who used to take the head of the enemy or enemy’s leader and play polo with it.
ITA l’uomo che volle farsi re
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