Post in evidenza

愛の、がっこう. Ai no gakkou Learning to love

I liked it a lot, too much since it was not well made, unfortunately not, but the character of Kaoru was very touching and well played, the ...

Nov 21, 2023

Murder mystery 2 - 2023

 Not bad but I liked the first one more. Again, what I don’t like is the character of Nick. I wonder why does Adam Sandler always play the same character, different-movies/different-names, but same character: rather silly, a bit arrogant in a I-know-what-I’m-doing even when he doesn’t kind of way; very loud and definitely not as funny as he thinks he is, he had the worst lines in the movie. 

But I really like Jennifer Aniston, so I watched it anyway. She’s really really good.

Anyway, the plot:

We are four years after the end of the first story, and the Spitz quit their jobs to become private detectives, only they’re terrible. Also, always working together causes them to argue a lot as well. Then Vik the Maharajah of the first movie calls to invite them to his wedding on his private island. 

The dresses were so pretty, I mean, Jennifer Aniston is beautiful whatever she wears but that outfit was lovely, that skirt was a total dream.

They see the colonel again (he lost the arm saving Vik from an attempted murder), and there’s also an ex sport champion who keeps hitting on Audrey, the bride and her two bridesmaids, and Vik’s sister. The groom is supposed to arrive on an elefant, but instead it’s the new bodyguard, killed, as a diversion while someone kidnaps Vik. 

That night everyone enters the Spitzes’ room one by one to talk and accuse the others, then in the morning the ‘real detectives’ arrive. Connor Miller and his team. Miller is the one who wrote the book the detective’s test is based on. He thinks they’re suspicious too, but then the kidnappers on the phone wants to talk to Nick, so they’re back in.

They ask for 50 millions, which goes up to 70, and the two of them will make the delivery in Paris. 

Miller gives the gun to Audrey while Nick has the money, but the bad guys don’t have Vik there and they force them to get on the van. Nick fights them, and luckily for him nobody shoots him, maybe only one of the bad guts had firearms? 

Audrey shoots one then accidentally kills the driver with a hatchet to the head then they crash into a café and see on tv that they’re once again the main suspects, there’s an image of Nick with the knife in hand that killed the guard.

Miller arrives and takes the money. Audrey suspects he might be the kidnapper, but his car blows up with him inside. A man on a motorbike stops to take the case with the money, but a van hits him and someone else takes it. 

They go to the opera to meet Delacroix and he accepts to be tied up and helps them. He lends them his car and traces the last van for them.

They’re caught by the countess and her friend Imani, and tied up. The countess shoots Imani, who shoots her too, but they only wanted the millions, they didn’t kidnap anybody.

The Spitzes free themselves and escape. The car won’t start so they take the Lamborghini of the countess.

They call Delacroix and arrange a meeting with the kidnappers to meet with Vik at a high-profile restaurant. Audrey and Nick are dressed up and make a ‘detective speech’ then the maharajah arrives with a bomb strapped on, but Nick knows it won’t explode and he’s right. Miller arrives now, alive and well. He faked his own death because he’s one of the kidnappers.

Then Susan arrives, to meet a Gary she loved ten years before, but he’s not there.

Miller gets the money, but Audrey jumps on him and they’re both pulled to the top of the Eiffel tower. Delacroix is shot and Susan takes care of him.

Nick fights Miller’s men, Audrey ends up tied to the rope, hanging outside the tower while Nick fights Miller too, and lets the money fly.

Audrey reaches the tower and takes a gun she finds there, how lucky, but she shoots Nick by mistake. Just on the shoulder.

They they throw Miller off and he lands on the bad guys’ helicopter. 

Welcomed back as heroes, Audrey understands the sister did it, because she knows henna doesn’t smear, so Saira tries to shoot Vik but the colonel once again takes the bullet for him - hope he won’t lose the other arm too… maybe he’ll get two bionic arms instead of one…

Then the bride knocks her down.

Vik and his bride decide to elope this time, and he gives out couple a bag worth three millions (because it’s made of dinosaur leather), with ten millions inside, and also the use of his helicopter, only while they’re flying the driver steals the money and jumps out. 

And it’s the end.


Nick-Adam Sandler

Audrey-Jennifer Aniston

Miller-Mark Strong

Claudette-Mélanie Laurent

Countess Sekou-Jodie Turner-Smith

Colonel Ulenga-John Kani

Saira-Kuhoo Verma

Inspector Delacroix-Dany Boon

The Maharajah-Adeel Akhtar

Francisco-Enrique Arce

Imani-Zurin Villanueva

Susan-Jillian Bell

Silverfox-Tony Goldwyn 


… It took me a while but I think Silverfox was the man they were spying on at the beginning, when they told his wife he was cheating on her while he was really planning a surprise.


A quiet place - 2018

This was different, a good movie, full of tension but little to no splatter, you understand what happens but see nothing gruesome. Basically the story is that some kind of creatures have killed almost all humans, we don’t know how much the damage is really, but it’s bad. These creatures don’t see much of anything, but they have super-hearing so the survivors must be really really quiet to not attract their attention, because they’re also very fast.

We follow a family, two parents with two sons and a daughter, the eldest, in their life as survivors, hoping to remain survivors and avoid the beasts.


It starts with Day 89, meaning they did lots and lots of damage in barely three months. There’s a deserted town with barefoot people walking silently and getting what they need. The youngest takes a toy rocket, he thinks they’ll  fly away to safety one day. They all use sign language and are very careful not to make noises. The girl’s name is Regan. They take what they need and go out, walk away, heading out of town. Dad told the child to leave the toy, after removing the batteries, but Regan gave it back to him, touched by his disappointment. The boy though, takes the batteries too, and while they walk he activates the toy who makes rocket noises and ‘something’ gets him before his father can get to him.

We move to Day 472, they are living somewhere else and they prepared well. Everything is designed to muffle sounds, and the father has a video-surveillance going on. He is also studying what they know of the beasts, and thinks there are three in the area.

The man sends radio sos to many countries receiving no answer. The woman is now pregnant.

They have prepared a box crib with oxygen for the newborn baby so to avoid his loud crying.

While playing, the kids accidentally knock down a lamp causing fire bud dad puts it out right away, and luckily nothing comes.

Day 473, less than a month to her due date. Mom teaches Maths to the boy. Dad wants to take his son out, to teach him how they catch fish. He didn’t want to go, he’s really scared, while Regan wanted to go with him, but she is told that she must stay home with mom while the boy has to go. They both probably thinks it’s rather unfair, Was it just a matter of male/female, or was it because Regan is deaf? Or because mom is pregnant and she might help her better? I don’t think this last one is the reason, because mom ends up alone anyway, since Regan walks around.

Mom does the laundry, and we see there’s quite a long nail sticking out of a step when the bag of clothes rips slightly against it. How can a nail be on the stairs when they all walk barefoot? Nobody ever noticed and they just got lucky for more than a year? Of course they can’t hammer it down, but they could cover it with something, they had time to cover everything to avoid sounds…


Dad and son meet an old man while walking back home, and they see that his wife is dead. The man screams and is taken by the beasts, while dad hurried away carrying his son. They hide until it’s safe again.

Mom’s water breaks, she goes downstairs and stomps on the nail but cannot scream her pain. She puts on red lights outside but must be careful because there’s beasts inside the house, upstairs. One comes down but doesn’t see her. She goes upstairs and lays in the bathtub. 

When they see and understand the situation, dad sends the boy to set off fireworks outside.

She gives birth. Dad reaches her and carries both of them to a bunker, or their safe room under the ground, where they planned to keep the baby. They put the oxygen at its face and close the crib. They’re both worried about the kids, still not home, and she blames herself for the little boy’s death, thinking she could have carried him. Just like the girl blames herself for giving him the toy (though she didn’t know he also took the batteries).

Brother and sister find each other, and wait for their father to find them.

The water tank was badly damaged, I guess by the beasts, I didn’t see how it happened, and mom wakes up in a flooded room. The beasts enter, and mom is worried for the child, but I still think it was rather reckless to take the baby out of the crib and into her arms. I understand the sentiment, but he could have cried, and then they both would be dead. The water was not yet at the crib’s opening, she could have waited a bit to see of the beasts went out… but nevermind, I feel her worry and desire to protect the child in her arms.

The kids accidentally make noise, but the girl’s hearing device sends the beast away. For the moment, but it follows them, and when he sees that and thinks there’s no other way to save them, dad screams, sacrificing himself for them. She switched the device off, it hurt her ear.

The kids make it, and rejoin mom. 

A beast enters the house, and slowly the girl understands, she switches the device on and puts it to the microphone, then mom shoots the beast. 

With such a loud noise, the other two beasts in the area heard from wherever they were and they arrive. Mom and daughter see them on the videocameras, but now they know what to do. The girl amplifies the sound to maximum and mom readies the shotgun. 


The end.


ITA a quiet place un posto tranquillo


It’s a very short cast :p


Evelyn Abbott - Emily Blunt

Lee Abbott - John Krasinski

Regan Abbott - Millicent Simmonds

Marcus Abbott - Noah Jupe

Beau Abbott - Cade Woodward

Man in the woods - Leon Russom



The Big Bang Theory - season 1

 


1 Pilot

The pilot. Sheldon and Leonard go to a high-IQ sperm bank but then they change their minds. Across the hall from their apartment, there’s a new neighbour, Penny. The boys invite her over for lunch: “What do you guys do for fun around here?” - and Sheldon: “well, today we tried masturbating for money”.

And the theme-song starts.

Penny sits in Sheldon’s seat, and tell them she’s a vegetarian except she loves steak and she is from Omaha. And she is in love with a jerk, she cries, says after four years he cheated on her, and then she uses their shower. Howard and Raj arrive but  Raj can’t speak to women; Penny asks Leonard to retrieve her tv from her ex-boyfriend; they go but they get back home without tv and without their pants.


2 The Big Bran Hypothesis

The four guys argue about Superman abilities. Penny asks Leonard to sign for her furniture delivery and then they have to bring it up the stairs. Sheldon is so upset about she chaos in her apartment that he goes back there at 2am while she’s sleeping to clean up, and Leonard helps. Penny is not happy about that. Leonard holds a sarcasm sign for Sheldon to understand; he also reads to her his letter of apology, and she forgives him.

The four of them offer to put together her Ikea piece of furniture, but while they argue about how inefficient it is, she does it herself.


3 The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

The four guys spent hours playing an online game teaming together until Sheldon gets the sword of Azeroth and left his team. 

Leonard catches Penny kissing another guy, Doug. Howard tells him love is not a sprint but a marathon, a relentless pursuit until she’s in your arms or uses the pepper spray. Leonard decides to change aim, and asks Leslie out, who works at his lab. She suggests kissing right away to see how it goes, but afterwards there’s no arousal at all, so it ends there. Leonard is rather down afterwards. Sheldon is worried he’ll buy a cat, and points out that Penny didn’t reject him because he never asked her out. So he does. Then he has a panic attack, but still goes, they talk, he hits his head under the table and bleeds and later throws up, then chickens out and tells her it was not a date, but he still thinks it went well. 


4 The Luminous Fish Effect

The four guys go to a party for their new boss Eric Gablehauser. Howard hired a girl, Summer, to go with him. Sheldon insults his boss and is fired. Penny takes him to the supermarket but quickly regrets it. He starts getting a new obsession a day - first eggs, then glow-in-the-dark fish, then knitting… - so Leonard bring him his mother, after three weeks apparently. 

He built a nuclear reactor at 13, and had a fit then too because he wasn’t allowed uranium in the shed. 

It takes a while, until she gets tired nad forces him to get dressed and apologise. She goes too. Sheldon’s apology is terrible but he gets hired back because Dr Gablehauser flirts with his mom.


5 The Hamburger Postulate

The guys are at the Cheesecake Factory where Penny works and Leslie Winkle comes to enlist Leonard as their new cellist. After their practice, she comes onto him and offers sex. When she fixes Sheldon’s equation on his board, he freaks out. After their night of sex, Leonard thought they’d have a relationship, but Leslie explains that’s not it.


6 The Middle-Earth Paradigm

The four guys lost at paintball against children. Penny invites them to her Halloween party, and they accept for the idea of wearing costumes. All of them chose to be Flash so they all change. Leonard chooses Frodo, Raj is Thor, Howard is Peter Pan, though he says he’s Robin Hood, and Sheldon is “the Doppler effect”. 

They’re the first to arrive and try to mingle, then Leonard approaches Penny ad her ex Kurt talking and they have a ‘confrontation’, then Leonard leaves. Penny is angry at Kurt and complains to Leonard and kisses him, but he stops her there because she drank too much. 

Raj had sex with a drunk girl because he’s ‘such a good listener’.


7 The Dumpling Paradox

Their Halo night is interrupted by Penny not wanting to see her Nebraska friend Christy who invited herself into her apartment. Howard is there immediately. Penny joins the others to play Halo. She’s good and keeps blowing up Sheldon.

Christy has sex with Howard so Penny sleeps on their couch. Sheldon tells her to sleep with her head facing the door so nobody can catch her by surprise from the door (he doesn’t know it’s bad luck apparently). Because of that, Sheldon’s seat is not available in the morning. 

Christy moves in with Howard because he buys her things, and all the boys activities are ruined by the absence of their fourth. Then Christy and Mrs Wolowitz start fighting and Christy leaves.


8 The Grasshopper Experiment

Raj’s parents arrange for an Indian girl for him. Penny’s practicing mixing drinks so she makes one for Leonard and Raj too, and he starts talking to her, and he decides to drink on his date too, and so the nicest thing he tells this Lalita is that she’s not fat anymore… while Sheldon tells her she looks like a Princess Panchali in an Indian fairytale and is much nicer to her. Sheldon is the one eating with her but won’t see her again. 

Sheldon plays and sings after Penny put alcohol in his diet coke.


9 The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Sheldon threw in the bin an invitation for him and Leonard to present their combined research at a conference. Leonard wants to go, Sheldon doesn’t and forbids him to go…

They’re not speaking to each other; Penny tries to help and makes it worse. Howard, Raj and Penny go with Leonard. After his presentation, Sheldon stands up and starts arguing with him, and Howard records their fight and puts it on Youtube.


10 The Loobenfeld Decay

Leonard lied to Penny to avoid going to the show she just got a part in. Sheldon doesn’t like it, so he tells Penny a different, much more elaborate lie about them going on a drug intervention for his cousin Leo. He thinks it’s perfect and airtight until Howard and Raj come too. They even do a trip to Long Beach. Still, Sheldon’s worried their lie is not good enough, to the point he brings home a guy to play the part. “A research assistant in the particle-physics lab” who does some theater too.

This Toby starts improvising though, and Leonard still has to watch the video of her singing.


11 The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon and Leonard play Vulcan chess (three-dimensional chess). 

Penny went to visit her family in Nebraska and they got sick with the flu, and now Sheldon the germaphobe is freaking out. Sheldon does get sick so Leonard gets the hell out of that apartment as quickly as he can. He even warns Howard and they plan a movie marathon.

Sheldon goes to get soup at Penny’s restaurant then she has to take him home and also take care of him. Leonard’s glasses broke at the start of the movie, and he’s blind so they go back to take his spare pair, but he’s caught by Penny and left there with Sheldon while the others run away.


12 The Jerusalem Duality

A kid, Dennis Kim, comes to their institute as a doctoral candidate that does great work. He’s as smart as Sheldon.

Leonard and Sheldon are tasked to show him around; Dennis corrects Sheldon’s work and received awards much younger than him. Sheldon starts interfering with Leonard, Raj and Howard’s work, so they need to do something about it.

They decide to make Dennis not a threat to Sheldon any more, so they go to Penny in need of a hot young girl interested in smart guys. Failing that, they sent emails so that everyone with a daughter that age will take them to work for the party in Kim’s honour. He baffles the guys by getting a girl all by himself, and loses interest in researches.


13 The Bat Jar Conjecture

The four guys will take part in the annual Physics Bowl Competition… by their practice round with Penny I got that it’s a quiz for teams.

Sheldon wants to answer all the questions himself, so they want him off the team, so he makes his own team.

Leonard needs a fourth person and Raj suggests “the girl who played tv’s Blossom, she got a PH.D in neuroscience or something” :lol:

They ask Leslie and she says no, but she says yes when she learns it’s to beat Sheldon.

Thinking he’s enough on his own, Sheldon has on his team the janitor, the lunch lady and her son, probably. At the last question, the decisive one, none of them knows it but the janitor does, because “here I am janitor. In former Soviet Union I am physicist”. 

Sheldon does not accept it and loses the game.


14 The Nerdvana Annihilation

Leonard bids online for a time-machine from the movie, only he thought it was a miniature. It’s not.

They have to bring it to their apartment, blocking the stairs, so to go to work Penny has to go through the roof, which was much harder than Sheldon made it sound, and she was so late she lost her shift. She was mad and called them all pathetic, so now Leonard wants to sell all his memorabilia. The others fight over who gets to buy it all, since it’s quite the collection, then Sheldon starts on Penny and her Care Bears and Hello Kittys. 

When a guy comes to take her out, Leonard decides to keep it all.


15 The (Shiksa / Pork Chop) Indeterminacy

They meet Missy, Sheldon’s twin sister. They all fight against each other for who ‘gets her’, but then they ask her out and she says no. She gets along with Penny though. Sheldon is also annoyed to learn that she tells people that her twin brother is a rocket scientist, which to him is degrading. He’s a theoretical physicist.

Rajesh volunteers as a test subject to overcome his shyness, and it seems to work. 


16 The Peanut Reaction

Leonard has never celebrated his birthday, his mother believed in celebrating success, achievements, and being born wasn’t one.

Penny wants to throw him a big surprise party. To get him out of the house, Howard fakes having eaten peanuts, but then since he needs more time and Penny promised to point him to who amongst her friends was easy, he does eat peanuts for real.

Penny insisted Sheldon buy Leonard a gift, so she drives him to the store to buy something computer-related, but then he gets stuck there helping people, since he knows everything about that stuff, until Penny alerts the personnel.

Howard’s exams take so long that by the time they’re home the party’s been over for over an hour. Still, Penny gives him a kiss.


17 The Tangerine Factor

Penny dumps her boyfriend Mike because he wrote about their intimacy on his blog, but after talking to Leonard she goes back to him, which was not what he wanted. She got it all wrong, but honestly he really said wrong, from the start, all in the wrong way. The guy was already with another woman though, so when Leonard asks her out she says yes. They’re both worried about it but then Sheldon mentions Schroedinger’s cat, and they decide to go through with it.

Sheldon tries to learn Mandarin to complain to the Chinese restaurant man, but he gets it all wrong and speaks nonsense. Actually, he pronounces wrongly even the words they translate right - that Thank You, I mean, was not right.


End of season 1.


Leonard - Johnny Galecki

Sheldon - Jim Parsons

Penny - Kaley Cuoco

Howard - Simon Helberg

Raj - Kunal Nayyar

Leslie - Sara Gilbert



Mission impossible II -2000

 I didn’t like it much. It’s not bad as an action movie, not at all, but not even close to a good plot or character development. So I didn’t like it much, as I said, the first two are the worst of the M:I movies. 


jA scientist created a poison/virus and its antidote, Chimera and Bellerophon, and thinks it’s so dangerous he can’t anyone have it, so he sends a message to his friend Dmitri for help, then injects himself with the virus and carries the antidote inside his briefcase, and we next see him on a plane next to Ethan, though he calls him Dmitri; problem is, when everyone on the plane starts to die, fake-Ethan takes off his mask. It was not Dmitri. Dr. Nekhorvich is killed and his briefcase stolen.

The real Ethan is on vacation, he’s climbing without safety measures and when he reaches the top a helicopter shoots at him the instruction for his new mission: recovery of chimera. He’s forced to recruit Nyah, a professional thief, for whatever reason that we’ll learn later.

Next, we are in Spain where Nyah attempts to stead a Bulgari necklace and Ethan lets her but before going out he covers for her with security so she can walk out without suspicions, but makes her give the necklace back.

She drives away in a huff, he follows her and they talk while driving - shouting, not on the phone, which is worse because she doesn’t even have her eyes on the road. To avoid a collision she goes offroad, loses control of her car since they were at high speed, but of course Ethan helps, the two cars turn and turn together to slow hers down and avoid her fall down. Barely managed, but they’re both alive (hero’s luck as usual). And horny, it appears, she simply asks his name and they start kissing. They wake up in bed together. 

Ethan’s boss tells him that Dr Vladimir Nekhorvich is dead because they couldn’t find Ethan so they sent Sean Ambrose with a mask.

It had all been planned, someone killed the pilot and took his place, and Ethan is not surprised by the number of deaths, knowing Sean’s character. And Sean is the reason why they wanted Nyah in the team, because she had once a relationship with Sean and after they broke up he kept trying to get her back. Ethan’s boss wants her to get close to Sean and report to him everything she learns, but Ethan doesn’t like the idea. His boss thinks she needs no training because every woman knows how to go to bed with a man and lie to him… now I don’t like this at all, such a sexist thing to say, especially when someone might easily argue that the other way around is much more common, to lie to a woman for sex and then walk away, but when a man does it it’s okay right? grrrrrrrrr

Ethan doesn’t like this at all, he likes her, but it appears they have no choice because they don’t even know what Chimera is, let alone what Sean wants with it. So they plan a set up, Nyah Nordoff Hall is arrested in Seville, and Sean gets her out somehow.

Billy and Luther, in Gucci shoes, join the team. Vladimir was a molecular biologist, specialized in recombining dna molecules. In the myth, Bellerophon was a prince who killed the chimera, a monster with the head of a lion and the tail of a serpent. So Ethan thinks it’ll be a killer virus.

Sean is naturally suspicious of Nyah, but wants her very much and takes the risk.

Also, she was too condescending in my opinion, not real at all. Yes, he helped her out here, but she was the one to walk out on him and now she’s a kitten. Not good.

Nyah gets Ethan the secret of the dna-destroying virus, but she puts the envelope back in the wrong pocket so Sean knows for sure something’s up. Ethan wants her out of Australia now.

Nyah thinks he’ll take her away now, but Sean wears his face and tells her she has to stay and do everything she’s asked. Sean now knows for sure that she’s with Ethan.

The real Ethan wants to go into Byocite (they forced the doc to invent chimera) and destroy the virus, kill chimera, so the antidote Sean has will be worth nothing because Sean does not have the virus.

Sean is angry at Ethan and also knows him very well, and knows what he is planning. While Ethan’s there trying to destroy it, Sean arrives with all his group, shooting. Ethan destroyed all the virus minus one loaded gun, and orders Nyah to get it for him, knowing Ethan won’t shoot her. But of course there’s two things:  1 how can she know Sean won’t kill her after she’s given it to him, and  2 how can she give the virus to Sean knowing how deadly it is, so she injects herself. Of course, it was the only possible thing .

She knows now that Sean needs her alive because that’s the last of the virus, in her blood, and also knows that unless she gets the antidote before 20 hours, she’ll die.

Sean proves to Byocite boss that he has both virus and antivirus, and he wants stock options instead of cash because he wants to use Nyah to infect Australia, so the company will make a fortune with the antidote.

Ethan wants to stop that of course, and can someone explain to me why Sean’s man Hugh says “raise your hands” when he’s got Ethan at gunpoint? Why not shoot him? He shot at him before, so why not shoot him now? Again, it’s only luck what makes a hero.


So, Ethan gets the upper hand, and in no time he exchanges clothes with Hugh, gags him and puts masks on them both, so Hugh has Ethan’s face and Ethan has Hugh’s face, so while Sean kills Hugh Ethan is there to steal the antidote.

Nyah has no intention of infecting the world so she waits for Ethan to cure her or she’ll kill herself. Luther and Billy find her while Ethan wins his fistfight with Sean by adding lots of flying kicks. 


Nyah gets the antidote - and good thing that is too, because I’m afraid she had the idea of drowning herself at sea or something, which would not have been a good idea at all imho.

Her criminal records will be wiped out for her help. All of chimera has been destroyed, and Ethan goes on vacation again, this time with Nyah.


Ethan - Tom Cruise

Sean - Dougray Scott

Nyah - Thandie Newton

Luther - Ving Rhames

Hugh - Richard Roxburgh

Billy - John Polson

McCloy - Brendan Gleeson


not in the ending credits, who knows why, is Ethan’s boss, that the internet calls Cmdr Swanbeck - Anthony Hopkins



The Lord of the Rings - The fellowship of the ring - 2001

Beautiful, fantastic, this one, but all three movies really, are in my heart with an added joy that someone finally took the Fantasy genre seriously. For some reason, nobody ever did. Now this is serious stuff, I love every bit of it.


It starts with a bit of narration, to bring us up to speed: it’s in elvish and also its english translation.

It tells the story of how the world changed: “it began with the forging of the great rings. Three were given to the Elves: immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the dwarf lord, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine… nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived. For another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master ring to control all others. And into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. One ring to rule them all. One by one, the free lands of Middle Earth fell to the power of the ring. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth… Victory was near but the power of the ring could not be undone” . Sauron killed many, but at some point he struck a human king, and so it was “when all hope had faded that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword”.  Sauron breaks it, but still Isildur uses the remains to strike at him and he cut his fingers off, and without the ring on him Sauron was defeated.

“The ring passed to Isildur who ha this one chance to destroy evil forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten, were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came… it ensnared a new bearer. The ring came to the creature Gollum who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him. The ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For 500 years it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumour grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear. And the ring of power perceived its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then the ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A hobbit. Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all”

______________

60 years later.


We see the Shire, and it’s beautiful, green, peaceful, Frodo sits under a tree reading, Gandalf arrives for Frodo’s uncle Bilbo’s birthday party. The village is beautiful, people are lifting up the Happy Birthday banner for Bilbo, half the Shire has been invited to the party, and Frodo is sure that Bilbo is “up to something” but Gandalf tells him nothing.

Frodo: “Before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought of. Never had any adventures or did anything unexpected”

Gandalf: “if you’re referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the door”

 -“whatever you did, you’ve been officially labelled a disturber of the peace”

Still, the children like him and his fireworks, so he lets go a few to make them happy.


Bilbo is now 111 years old but hasn’t aged a day since he got the ring.

They have tea, then a smoke together, making smoke rings - or a smoke boat, in Gandalf’s case.

That night, big fireworks for the party, and music and of course lots of food.

Frodo is having lots of fun, and makes Sam dance with Rosie. Bilbo tells the story of the three trolls to a group of children.

“Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took” steal and light the biggest firework in the shape of a dragon that should have been the big finale, probably, so Gandalf has them clean all the dishes.

Bilbo’s speech is pure Tolkien: “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve” and they’re all confused.

Now’s the time, Bilbo says “this is the end, I’m going now, I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye” and he disappears.

Only Gandalf knows he has such a ring, and reminds Bilbo he promised to leave the ring behind, to Frodo. When Bilbo changes his mind and starts stroking the ring, saying “it’s mine, my precious” Gandalf worries.


Bilbo finally lets it go before going out. He wants to leave, see the mountains again, finish his book and probably never return. Gandalf senses the dark power of the ring so he leaves it on the floor for Frodo to find when he gets home. Bilbo’s gone to stay with the elves and has left everything to Frodo. Gandalf wants to do research on the ring and leaves immediately.


Gollum knew Bilbo took his ring so he reveals Bilbo’s name. Gandalf finds the story of Isildur, high king of Gondor, and the finding of the ring of power. Gandalf reads that the writing is no more visible, but can be seen with fire, so he hurries back to Frodo and throws the envelop in the fire, and indeed markings appear. “The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue, it says: One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them”. 


Gandalf tells Frodo it is the ring of power, and he says that it has awaken, answering its master’s call, because Sauron was not destroyed, his life force is bound to the ring and the ring survived. Sauron has returned, and with the ring he would destroy everything.

Frodo would like to hide it, but there is someone who knows the ring’s there: Gollum, who said his name after he was tortured.

Scared, Frodo gives Gandalf the ring but Gandalf dares not take it. Since it can’t stay in the Shire, the only solution is for Frodo to take it away. To Bree, meet Gandalf at the Inn of the Prancing Pony. Gandalf wants first to ask the head of his order for what he must do now, since “he is both wise and powerful”


“Samwise Gamgee” was eavesdropping, so he knows it all. Gandalf has him go along with Frodo. He also tells Frodo to never put the ring on or the agents of the Dark Lord will find him. Gandalf rides away fasst, and they start walking.

At Isengard, Gandalf the Grey meets Saruman the White. He tells him everything, and Saruman knows a lot about Sauron’s current strength and the army he is building, he has seen a lot using a palantir, a seeing-stone. Saruman also knows “the Nine have left Minas Morgul”. Saruman says that a hobbit cannot “contend with the will of Sauron”, because “there are none who can” 

No one can win against Mordor, so “we must join with him”. They fight, and Saruman takes Gandalf’s staff and locks him to the top of his tower.


Sam loses sight of Frodo and panics for a second, because Gandalf told him Not to lose Him.

Merry and Pippin run into them while they were stealing vegetables. When Frodo feels something in the air, they hide under the tree’s roots before a Nazgul can find them.

They are soon seen while running, but they manage to catch the ferry and it stops. They reach Bree and the Inn (small appearance of the director as a man in the rain).

Gandalf is not there though so they don’t know what to do. “Strider” the ranger keeps staring at him, and Frodo keeps feeling the ring in his mind. Pippin tells everyone the name Baggins; Frodo tries to stop him (bit late for that) and he falls on the floor and the ring lands on his finger. Now Sauron and his Nazgul see him. Strider (ok, Aragorn) takes Frodo to a room to talk, the other three  run in and Sam is not scared by the long sword :)

Aragorn hides them for the night and leads them to Rivendell during the day, the House of Elrond. 


Sauron tells Saruman (through the palantir) to build him an army, so he starts taking down trees for the furnaces.


Aragorn does not know about hobbit’s tradition of “second breakfast”.

They rest for the night at the Great Watchtower of Amon Sul. He gives them weapons, too.

The three hobbits cook with fire, and are found out. The three brave hobbit try to protect Frodo, but they are no more than leaves in the wind. Frodo is lead to put the ring on, and sees them as white wraiths. Since he resists and doesn’t let them take it, they stab him in the shoulder. Aragorn arrives to save them, jumping in front of him and fighting both with his sword and with a torch. 

The Morgul blade is poisonous so he needs elvish medicine. Aragorn picks him up and runs.


Gandalf catches with his hand a flying bug and whispers to it. Orcs keep creating new orcs, a new and Saruman-improved version of them, and also keep forging weapons.


Arwen has been looking for Aragorn, knowing five wraiths are after him, and seeing how bad Frodo is, she takes him with her and rides fast towards her father’s home. The wraiths find her, there are eight right behind her; she rides faster and skillfully, and as soon as she crosses the river, they stop - like they did at the ferry - but this time they cross it, there’s little water after all, so she chants and horses made of water trample the wraiths and wash them away. 

Frodo is much worse, looks like he’s dying that second; Arwen thinks (or prays or vows, whatever) : “what grace is given me, let it pass to him. Let him be spared. Save him” 

(and this always puzzled me, what does it mean? it’s a common prayer or she means to pass to him her immortality? how many times can she do that?)


Next, Frodo wakes up to Gandalf by his bed - “it’s October the 24th, if you want to know”

Gandalf apologises for not meeting them at Bree, “I was delayed”, and we see how, by Saruman throwing him back and forth and trying to convince him to join their side, but Gandalf knows that “there is only one lord of the ring, and he does not share power”


Frodo meets Elrond, the one who saved him, then he sees uncle Bilbo again, at Rivendell to finish his book. He looks older now, without the ring. The book is, of course, “There and back again, a hobbit’s take by Bilbo Baggins”

Frodo and Sam are quite ready to go home, now that they’ve completed their mission and brought the ring to Rivendell, but Elrond is very worried about Sauron’s increasing forces, especially when Gandalf tells him “Saruman has crossed orcs with goblin-men, breeding an army in the caverns of Isengard”, so they can move in sunlight.


The ring can’t stay at Rivendell. They can’t protect it from both Sauron and Saruman.

People start to arrive, Boromir, Legolas, the dwarves…

Elrond is worried, they’re about to leave their lands, their time is over, he says, but without elves who will help? Gandalf has hope in men, but Elrond remembers “I was there, 3000 years ago, the day the strength of men failed”.

Boromir takes a look around the place (I love the paintings on the walls, from real artists, from Alan Lee if I’m not mistaken, it’s been a long time but I don’t think I am)

He sees “the shards of Narsil”, “the blade that cut the ring from Sauron’s hand”, and it is still sharp… but Boromir shows no respect for it.

Aragorn is Isildur’s heir, so he thinks he’ll be as weak. There’s a romantic scene on a bridge between Arwen and Aragorn: she told him years ago she’d give up immortal life to stay with him, and she still feels the same and chooses mortal life. (she keeps saying that).


At the meeting, there’s lots of people summoned to discuss the threat of Mordor. Boromir immediately talks of using the ring. Aragorn doesn’t agree. Legolas knows already who he is, that he is “Aragorn, son of Arathorn”, heir to the throne of Gondor; now Gondor has no king, but is ruled by Boromir’s father. Learning that the ring has to be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin uses his axe, breaking it. The ring must burn in the fires of Mount Doom, where it was created. 

Everyone starts shouting, they don’t trust each other, so Frodo volunteers to bring it there, and one by one Aragorn and Gandalf, Legolas and Gimli and Boromir offer their help to show him the way and protect him, and of course the other hobbits. Nine companions.


Bilbo gives his old sword Sting to Frodo, and also his armor made of mithril. Boromir teaches Merry and Pippin to fight with the sword. Gandalf tells Gimli he would pass through Moria only if he had no other choice. They take the pass of Caradhras because “the passage south is being watched” by Saruman. When Frodo falls in the snow and loses the ring, Boromir picks it up but then gives it back. 

Everyone is submerged in snow but Legolas walks upon it. The hobbits are being carried by the men. Saruman’s magic tries to bring the mountain down on them. Gandalf tries to chant back but is not successful. Boromir suggests going through Gondor, but it would be too close to Isengard. Gimli again suggests going under the mountain, through the mines of Moria. Gandalf fears it, but lets Frodo choose. At the door of Moria, it says “the doors of Durin lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter” and Gandalf can’t find the right thing to say, even tries pushing it. After a while, Frodo asks “what is the elvish word for friend?” , Gandalf answers “mellon” and the door opens.

Gimli expects a paradise, but finds hell. Everybody’s dead. They think about getting out, but outside in the water there’s a monster who grabs Frodo. Everybody fights then Boromir carries Frodo inside the mine and they have no choice anymore. A four-day journey to the other side.


Frodo notices someone is following them, Gandalf knows it’s Gollum, he already knew.

Gandalf chooses the path that doesn’t smell so bad. Gimli finds Balin’s grave and cries. Curious Pippin touches stuff causing a skeleton and it’s armor to fall down a well, causing lots and lots of noise. They had been so quiet until now…

Gandalf is pissed: “Fool of a Took. Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity”

As a result, they start hearing the drums, the noise, Frodo’s sword lights blue, orcs are coming.

They all fight and yell, until a big troll arrives. Legolas throws two arrows at once, jumps on its head and fires from there. Sam even uses a frying pan. The troll is after Frodo, but again Aragorn jumps between Frodo and the enemy, only he’s knocked out this time. The troll stabs Frodo, the hobbits attack with rage and all together they finally kill it. But Frodo’s not dead, because of his mithril armor. They hear screeching and run to the bridge of Khazad-dum (the only scene in the movie that didn’t ‘feel natural’ is their race across the hall seen from above).

Hordes of goblin are after them, and surround them, but then something scares them and they flee. A Balrog approaches, “a demon of the ancient world”. They run; when the big stairs are broken, Boromir alone jumps carrying Merry and Pippin, then Aragorn throws Sam to him. Gimli jumps because “nobody tosses a dwarf” and Legolas catches him by the beard. More stairs are broken, Aragorn and Frodo lean towards the others and they all run. To the bridge. Gandalf stays behind, their swords can’t do anything against a Balrog.

Gandalf remains behind on the bridge: “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor” (and again, this scene with the lighted staff is an artist’s painting come to life - Love it)

“You shall not pass” and indeed he doesn’t, he falls down but its whip catches Gandalf: “fly, you fools”. 


Boromir carries Frodo away, and they get out of Moria. Pippin cries desperately, Sam cries too, Frodo was already crying. Still, they need to move on and “reach the woods of Lothlorien”. They move on at speed. Gimli tells the hobbits a great sorceress lives in those woods, “an elf-witch of terrible power, all who look upon her fall under her spell and are never seen again.” Meanwhile Galadriel speaks to Frodo’s mind. Gimli says “here’s one dwarf she won’t ensnare so easily” ( :lol: in this short version there is no gifts giving so we don’t see how ensnare he is ^_^ )

They’re surprised by a group of elves that leads them to the Lady of the Wood, she’s waiting for them. 


Lothlorien is beautiful. They are greeted and offered rest. Boromir is troubled, the lady spoke to his mind too, about the fall of Gondor and that there is still hope, but he cannot see it. 

Galadriel walks barefoot leading Frodo to her mirror. Frodo looks and sees all hobbits enslaved, even Sam, and fights to keep the ring from Sauron’s eye when it appears. Should Frodo fail, that would become reality (no pressure, huh? poor Frodo)

“the fellowship is breaking” she says it’s already begun, and “he will try to take the ring” and then “one by one it will destroy them all”. Because, you know, the ring is evil. So Frodo offers it to her, she’s tempted but resists, she’ll go to the west with the elves. She tells him that he must find a way to go on and do it alone. He’s afraid, but determined. 


Saruman teaches us that Orcs were once elves. Now the improved orcs are called Uruk-hai (although it was never clear to me how can everybody know that…)

They serve Saaruman, bred to kill, and on the hunt for Frodo. Saruman wants the ring and the others dead. 


When they leave Lothlorien, they receive gifts from Galadriel: to Frodo, the light of Elendil… and here in this short version it doesn’t show the other gifts.

They all wear green cloaks with a leaf-pin. They travel by boat. They pass the Argonath, gigantic statues of kings. They’re near Gondor, I’d say. Aragorn plans to cross the river, walk, and approach Mordor from the North. 

Frodo walks around, Boromir is looking for wood, they talk, but the power of the ring and Boromir’s own desperation make him try to forcefully take the ring from Frodo, but he puts it on and runs away. Boromir is very regretful: Aragorn instead passes the test, but when Sting lights blue, he tells Frodo to run and prepares for battle.

He starts alone, then Legolas and Gimli arrive. The orcs aim for Frodo though, and run for him.

When Merry and Pippin understand what Frodo plans and see the orcs, they try to lead them off his trail and after themselves. They’d be dead if it wasn’t for Boromir, who ran like the saviour, or so they think. Boromir thought very bravely like a great warrior, two arrows in him and he still fights, but the third big arrow leaves him with no strength. The orcs take Merry and Pippin, the only hobbits they can see. Aragorn comes running, called by the horn of Gondor that Boromir blew to call for help, and kills the biggest uruk-hai, the one that killed Boromir, but the others have fled. Boromir confesses to him, cries in desperation for the fate of his people, but Aragorn swears he will not let the white city fall. Boromir calls him My king and dies.


Frodo leaves on a boat but Sam, after much running, arrives and won’t be left behind. He can’t even swim but he enters the river anyway, not willing to part from him. He made a promise not to. Frodo helps him on the boat and they go together.


They put Boromir on a boat and leave him to the waterfall. Aragorn will not go after Frodo, he understands, so they will go after Merry and Pippin, to save them.


Directed by Peter Jackson, Screenplay by Fran Walsh, Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens

I’d like to write everyone but it’s too long and I don’t even understand all the terms, but it was all great, the places, the cities, the clothes, the jewellery, the make up, the lights, the armors and weapons, and everything really.

Special mention for whoever made those amazing illustrations come to life. The line in the credits “conceptual designers: Alan Lee and John Howe” says it all, I saw so much of their work in the movies, in all three, it was fantastic and it added magic to the magic.


The cast is listed in the credits in alphabetical order.  Good, since they are all important. I list them as I remember, that’s all, like : all the hobbits, the companions, the elves…


Frodo - Elijah Wood

Sam - Sean Astin

Merry - Dominic Monaghan

Pippin - Billy Boyd

Bilbo - Ian Holm

Aragorn - Viggo Mortensen

Boromir - Sean Bean

Legolas - Orlando Bloom

Gimli - John Rhys-Davies

Gandalf - Ian McKellen

Galadriel - Cate Blanchett

Elrond - Hugo Weaving

Saruman - Christopher Lee

Arwen - Liv Tyler

Gollum - Andy Serkis

Celeborn - Marton Csokas

Rosie Cotton - Sarah McLeod

Isildur - Harry Sinclair

and

“cute hobbit children: Billy and Katie Jackson” - Bilbo told them the troll story.