Prince Charming now sort of works as an actor, he acts in pubs while people eat, ‘recreating’ his ‘epic rescue’ of the princess and his fight with the ogre, but people laugh at him and he’s angry, he doesn’t even have his own dressing room, he put a table and mirror in the alley outside.
Shrek and Fiona are in far, far away to help “filling in for the king and queen” and Cat acts as secretary. A poor man has to be knighted by him, and it sure hurts; he has to perform the launching of a ship, but he destroys it. The king isn’t feeling well, but he isn’t getting better, so he tells Shrek that he and Fiona “are next in line for the throne” and “there is only one remaining heir”= Arthur.
The king dies and the kingdom is mourning, there’s a huge frog-king statue to remember him by.
Charming goes to the pub where all villains gather and does a speech on how unfair their fate was, how those in far far away did them wrong and now time has come for them… and they join him: Hook, the witches, Mabel the ugly stepsister, the evil queen, everyone.
Donkey says goodbye to his she-dragon and his four babies - Coco, Peanut ,Bananas and a fourth - Cat does too, to every she-cat around, and they leave on a ship with Shrek to go look for cousin Arthur.
Fiona can’t let him go without knowing, so she yells that she’s pregnant. Shrek is totally terrified of this, of being a father. He has nightmares about it, is scared of ruining the kid’s life.
They arrive at Worcestershire, a sort of high-school, of huge boarding school, and they find Arthur, who is not the school champion - that’s Lancelot - but the poor kid that always gets bullied.
Shrek is asked to the Homecoming ball… kids…
Shrek finds Arthur Pendragon and tells him he’s the new king of far far away, that he’s the only heir, and Arthur does a victory speech to the school before going with Shrek.
At Fiona’s baby shower, there’s her mom, Cinderella, SnowWhite, she-dragon, sleeping Beauty - can’t miss her, she’s sleeping - the other ugly stepsister and Rapunzel, and for some reason there’s also Pinocchio, the pigs, the wolf and Gingy.
Snow gifts her one of the dwarves as a “live-in babysitter”.
The villains arrive on the brooms with the witches, the evil trees cause trouble, there’s some pillaging, a cyclop taking the stamps away from the letters…
She-dragon is stopped with a metal net, and the girls hide.
Shrek tells Artie that the king asked for him personally, and tries to paint a lovely picture, but Cat and Donkey’s words scare him a bit, and he wants to go away, so they fight and break the wheel, and they crash the ship. Artie wants nothing to do with Shrek now, who has no idea how to deal with teenagers.
He tries talking in a gibberish way, then they find a house/hut/cave/whatever.
Artie: “I’vec been kidnapped by a monster who’s trying to relate to me!”
Merlin lives here, he was the “school’s magic teacher until he had his nervous breakdown”, now “retired to the tranquility of nature”.
Shrek asks for direction to far far away, and then he has a fight with Artie about going there; Merlin could help, “but since you’re in the midst of a self destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible”.
Before he helps, he wants Shrek and the others to “take the journey to your soul”= they need to look into the “Fire of Truth”, which looks like bonfire, and say what they see. This way we learn that Artie’s father left him, “dumped” him at that school, and Artie never heard from him again. Artie thinks he’s not worth anything because even his dad left him, just like Shrek believed himself to be a monster because everybody else said so, until he learned to ignore what they said and “just trust who you are”.
He’s also scared of fatherhood because he too had a terrible father: “He tried to eat me. He used to give me a bath in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth.”
The girls walk at the light of the torches until they manage to get outside the castle… and Rapunzel leads them all to Charming, the traitorous wannabe-queen.
When Shrek and the others wake up, there’s Hook and some others there to kill them and take Shrek to “King Charming”. Shrek wins, of course; Merlin at first refuses to help, so Artie plays the crying card and Merlin accepts to magic them all back.
Donkey is now in Cat’s body and vice versa. Merlin did say there might be side effects.
Cat’s big eyes tactic doesn’t work now in Donkey’s body.
They enter the castle and they’re caught, so Shrek uses cruel words to make Arthur go away.
Shrek is in chains. Donkey and Cat are thrown in a cell with all the girls.
Donkey (in Cat’s body) explains that they were “bibbity-boppity-booped by the magic man”.
Beauty, Snow and Cindy simply sit and wait “to be rescued”, and the Queen takes offence at Snow’s comment on her being just an old lady, so she breaks down walls with her head, and they get out ready to fight - Snow has a tattoo of Dopey’s name inside a heart.
Charming is setting up his play, where he intends to really kill Shrek. It’s called “Happily ever after after all.”
Shrek’s warden is the cyclop, all tenderness because he has his daughter with him: “who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you?” :-) They’re so cute :-)
At the outside gate, guarded by the evil trees, Snow sings to call to her all birds and animals around, and then she unleashes them on the trees/guards, and they all go in. Cat and Donkey have to explain to Artie that Shrek saved him, protected him, so he helps too.
Shrek is brought on stage in chains, but people laugh at Shrek’s jokes more than they ‘admire’ his performance.
She-dragon, Pinocchio and the gang arrive to disrupt the play, then all the girls appear in fighting stance.
Still, it’s not over because Charming isn’t alone, and all the villains his ally come to trap them.
Artie comes now with a speech, asking them if they really want to be villains forever, that they don’t have to be, and many of them did have other dreams, so they put the weapons down.
It was not a bad speech after all: “a good friend of mine once told me that just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre, or just some loser, it doesn’t mean you are one. The thing that matters most is what you think of yourself ” but at this point he got a bit carried away, after all he’s just a kid and probably believes it: “if there’s something you really want, or someone you really wanna be, then the only person standing in your way is you”.
Charming fights Shrek and loses, and Artie chooses to accept the crown and be king.
When they see Merlin, Cat asks “senor Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs!”
They’re magicked back to the right bodies, but they have each other’s tail.
We see Shrek and Fiona at home, with three baby ogres, playing with Cat - poor cat…
There’s also Donkey and his “Dronkies”. A big happy family.
During the ending credits, there’s Cat, Donkey and the babies dancing or toddling around, or generally making a mess.
ITA shrek terzo - credo
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