The thing when you binge-watch a show: 5 minutes ago Chandler was so different… he’s still one of my favs though :) Well, quite weird looking this time, but yeah.
Rachel Green - Jennifer Aniston
Monica Geller - Courteney Cox
Chandler Bing - Matthew Perry
Phoebe Buffay - Lisa Kudrow
Joey Tribbiani - Matt LeBlanc
Ross Geller - David Schwimmer
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Jack Geller - Elliott Gould
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Tag - Eddie Cahill
Charles Bing aka Helena Handbasket - Kathleen Turner
Erin - Kristin Davis
Actress playing Jessica - Susan Sarandon
Cousin Cassie - Denise Richards
Melissa - Winona Ryder
Richard the actor - Gary Oldman
1 - The one with Monica's thunder
Joey has an audition for a nineteen-year-old part.
Rachel and Ross talk about Monica and Chandler’s engagement, and Rachel tells him he was really good at sex (at the stuff, she says). She basically asks him to have sex one last time, no strings attached.
Chandler is upset because he couldn’t… perform, in bed.
It should be Monica’s night, but she sees Rachel and Ross kissing and is upset they are stealing her thunder. They fight about it, until Rachel admits she almost did it only because she was sad she had no one.
Phoebe insists on songs she could sing at the wedding and when Monica tells her she can, she asks for money and when they don’t give her any she gets angry, until Chandler gives her a dollar and takes away her guitar.
2 - The one with Rachel's book
Monica takes out her wedding book with all stuff to plan the wedding. She doesn’t let him choose anything. At dinner with her parents, she finds out that they spent all the fund for her wedding over the years, so there’s no money. The girls are desperate. Chandler has money, saving it for six years apparently, and Monica wants to use it all on the wedding, but he puts his foot down and says no (oh, good, can’t everyone be that stupid, right?), then he shares his previous plans for their future and she changes her mind, and wants that instead.
The duck sort of got sick all over the place after eating Rachel’s face cream, so Joey tries to nap at Monica’s, but they keep talking, so he goes to sleep in Rachel’s bed. He finds her book (a sort of hot Harmony book, nothing strange) but he got all weird and told her she got porn. He is very very annoying.
Phoebe asks Ross to stay with him, but he gets upset when he sees her massaging a client. Then the idiot told a pretty girl he was a masseur as well, and gets stuck with her old dad. He gives the poor man a weird, totally inappropriate massage (he used spoons! and chopsticks and a mop...)
3 - The one with Phoebe's cookies
As an engagement present, Monica asks Phoebe for her grandma’s cookie recipe, but it got burned in the fire. Phoebe had one last cookie, so they share it and try to understand what the recipe could have been, and Monica makes like 20 batches of cookie, some good some not so much, but not the same. Then it turns out she got the recipe from Nestle cookies.
Apparently Joey still has the boat, at the Marina (nobody said how he paid for it. He didn’t have 400 for a new fridge, now he paid 20.000 for a boat…). Rachel wants to teach him sailing, since she had a boat when she was a teen. They go out together and she tries seriously to teach him, but he’s a real dumbass, one of the dumbest people on the planet, it’s hard to bear it. She tries very hard and he doesn’t appreciate it at all. Then she feels bad because she realise she’s been acting like her father (he was the one who taught her).
Monica’s dad invites Ross and Chandler (whatever the man calls him) to play together, but there was a problem. Apparently Chandler became blind all of a sudden: not only he wears glasses, which could be fine if he chose glasses that suited his face, but the fact is that without glasses he couldn’t see anything and he sat on the man’s lap. Next time, the embarrassment was because he was naked instead of wearing a swimsuit.
4 - The one with Rachel's assistant
Joey shows the others the first filmed episode of his tv-show. It’s awful, but he thinks it’s great, and keep saying he has his own show… then he gets a chance at Days of Our Lives again, but is offended that they want him to audition for the part and makes a scene. Then they tell him that the show is cancelled, so he goes back begging for another chance from Terry of Days of Our Lives.
Incredibly, the man does give him another chance, and he plays back the role of Dr Drake Ramoray (who right now is in a coma, so you don't see Joey's face but he's there.)
Rachel got a promotion, she has an office and must hire her own assistant, and she hires the young cute guy… Phoebe tells her she should hire the qualified one, but Rachel hires the cute one.
Chandler says that since they are getting married they should not have secrets from each other, so they start telling each other their secrets, and when Ross gets in the picture things get out of hand.
5 - The one with the engagement picture
Rachel can’t date Tag since he works for her, but she’s still jealous of him and doesn’t want him to date anyone.
Chandler always look terrible in pictures. They try and try, then Monica takes one with Joey to put in the paper. (Honestly, it wasn't funny, it was sad and mean and selfish and something else negative).
Phoebe goes out with new guy Kyle, and Ross with his ex-wife Whitney. Ross and Phoebe fight as if they were the divorced couple who at the end get back together.
6 - The one with the nap partners
Monica doesn’t want to decide who will be her maid of honour between Rachel and Phoebe so he lets them decide (why not both? This is so weird). They ask Joey and Ross to decide and they pick Phoebe, but Rachel is her best friend and has thought of it for a long time, so it will be Rachel.
After watching movies, Ross and Joey fall asleep all snuggled up. They slept so well that end up doing it again, and they are seen. (by-the-by, it is normal occurrence to sleep during the day? Don't they have anything to do??)
7 - The one with Ross's library book
Monica meets Janice at work. They talk, and Janice invites herself to their wedding. To finally get rid of her, Monica tells her that Chandler still has feelings for her.
Rachel cut her hair. (Why oh why would she cut such long curly blond hair, a vision it was, and all of a sudden there's nothing there, just a short straight bob, I mean, why??? Of course she's always pretty, but she had such beautiful dreamy hair the ep before...)
Joey is used to have sex with girls and let Chandler make them breakfast and put them off him, but Rachel instead talks to Erin and loves her. Rachel and Phoebe trick him into going out with her again, and Joey starts to really like her, but then it’s her that breaks up the relationship, sort of (she tells Rachel to tell him the same things he wanted Rachel to tell her before).
Ross finds out he has a book at the library, but he’s upset when he discovers that people use that spot to have sex. He personally tries to patrol there (being a professor leaves lots of free time) and there he meets a pretty girl who has read and liked his book, and they get caught trying to do it there.
8 - The one where Chandler doesn't like dogs
Phoebe has to take care of a friend’s dog for a few days. Apparently she’s back with Monica and Chandler, because when people find out about the dog she says she had it there for three days without anyone noticing (which is bizarre, since now that dog won’t go five seconds without making noise)
When Chandler finds out it becomes a problem because he says he hates dogs, but then when he thinks he lost it and finds it back in the apartment he seems happy the dog is okay.
Tag finds out that Rachel likes him and kisses her.
Phoebe’s pronunciation of Italian words is really good. She calls Erin ‘stronzo’, which shows they have no Italian giving them advice on Italian words, but it’s good enough for a show like this, and as I said, she pronounced it very well!
9 - The one with all the candy
Ben rode his first bike, and they got to learn that Phoebe was too poor to own a bike, even when she still had a mom, but she liked a lot the bike of another girl. She never rode it, but she got the box with the picture of the bike… well, Ross was so moved he bought her a lovely pink bike. I don’t know why they are surprised that she can’t actually ride it, didn’t they hear she never had one??? Anyway, so Ross wants to teach her how to ride. At the end, Ross attaches two small wheels at the bike and she can now ride.
Rachel now has a relationship with Tag, even though they work together. They got in a very dangerous situation, where she was at risk of being fired, but they got away with it.
Monica puts candy outside her door for the neighbours, hoping to meet them, know them, and they will like her because of it, and they are so successful that people keep coming at every hour of the day and night, and she has to make many many more, and she is very quickly losing her mind. Chandler saves her by sending everyone away (one of the most realistic episodes, that's how people are, they didn't even ask her her name, they simply kept demanding more candy)
10 - The one with the holiday armadillo
It’s almost Christmas.
Chandler got a reservation at a nice restaurant, but when they get there they have to wait 45 minutes, so Monica tells him to give the guy money (so basically they are all quite happy and satisfied that the world runs on money, and who has it can do whatever they want and take advantage of others… it’s all very sad really)
Ross has Ben for the holiday and wanted to celebrate Hanukkah, but Ben really likes Santa. At the end, we have Ross inside a HolidayArmadillo costume teaching him about Hanukkah, Chandler in a Santa costume to make him happy, and Joey in a superman costume, who knows why.
Phoebe will soon have her apartment back, but Chandler makes her worried that Rachel is having so much fun at Joey’s she might not want to live with her anymore, so Phoebe gives Joey drums and a tarantula, but Rachel likes both, so they finally talk. Phoebe’s apartment is different now, though, and a wall has been torn down so there’s only one bedroom, so Rachel stays with Joey.
(I get it she likes living with Joey, but they made it such a big deal when she lived there with Monica; Rachel hated that apartment and everything about it, but now she loves it there. Again, this was a show supposed to make you laugh, not to make sense)
11 - The one with all the cheesecakes
A box is deliver to Chandler by mistake and he shares it with Rachel, a super delicious cheesecake. They steal another one together, and at the end they argue over the last cake, and when Rachel's last bit falls on the floor, and Chandler's ends up there too because Rachel makes him drop it on purpose, they start eating it up the floor, and are caught by Joey returning home, but he acts really cool about it, he sits down and takes out a fork he keeps in his jacket and eats it with them (the fork was the best bit of the whole episode)
Joey cancels his plans with Phoebe to go on a date, and she gets angry, but then she meets David, her scientist guy, who can only see her that night before he goes back to Russia. Later, she is very sad and Joey hugs her.
A cousin of the Geller is getting married and every Geller is invited but Monica, so she forces Ross to take her. She’s really angry about it, and makes a scene at the wedding, but then it turns out she was not invited because she had a story with the groom.
12 - The one where they're up all night
A night when nobody can sleep.
Joey and Ross get stuck on the roof, and try to get down using the fire escape stairs, but it's not easy.
Phoebe has some kind of detector that keeps beeping all night long, no matter what she does to it.
Chandler can’t sleep so he keeps Monica awake too.
Rachel and Tag quarrel on who forgot to send some important documents (she still had it on her desk, she forgot to give them to him so he could send them.
13 - The one where Rosita dies
(It’s February.)
Even after Joey told her he doesn’t want her to move the chair (Rosita), she tries hard to move it by herself, and ends up breaking it. Obviously she offers to buy him another one. Later, Chandler enter the apartment, sits on the chair and thinks he broke it. Chandler gives him his own chair secretly. Rachel’s new chair is more technological though. So Joey breaks the old chair to sit in Rachel’s new shiny one (because he’s stupid, really stupid, we’ve already established that).
Monica’s parents are selling the house without telling them, she found out by the ad in the paper. Monica and Ross go there to take back with them all their childhood memories. All of Ross’ boxes are full of his stuff, but all of Monica’s boxes are ruined because Jack used them all to stop the water from reaching his Porsche when the garage was flooded. And he is surprised to hear that she thinks they only love Ross… uh, I wonder how could she think that…
Anyway, it ends well for her. To make it up to her, Jack gives her the Porsche.
Phoebe has only done two massages this year, to Monica and Ross, so she tries working in telemarketing. She speaks to a man who wants to kill himself, so she goes down there, to where he works, to stop him. She does.
14 - The one where they all turn thirty
Rachel turns 30 - the writers didn’t bother counting or were Rachel and Monica in different years? I always thought they were in the same class… but Monica, we know she was 25 turning 26 in the first series, and since this is series 7, Monica is 31 turning 32 at the end of the season.
Instead, they show that she turned 30 while living with Chandler, so right now.
Tag is only 24, turning 25. Phoebe discovered that she’s not 30, but 31, when Ursula tells her.
Monica got totally drunk when she turned 30 and made a scene at her formal party. Ross bought himself a red car. Rachel breaks up with Tag because he’s too young.
15 - The one with Joey's new brain
Joey’s character in Days of Our Lives has been in a coma until now, but Joey says that he’ll come out of the coma after a brain transplant, from a female character that’s been in the show for twenty years, Jessica. That means the actress playing her will lose this job. They talk a lot, she helps him understand the character, of course they have sex, then she gets another job far away, in Mexico, and will be gone for eight months.
A guy forgets his phone at the coffee house and Rachel and Phoebe compete on who takes it to get to meet the guy in person. Both girls are there waiting for him, but it turns out the phone was someone else’s, an older man. The young man was just his assistant. Phoebe likes this guy too.
Ross wants to learn to play the bagpipes to play at Monica’s wedding, but it’s awful. Monica stops it.
16 - The one with the truth about London
Rachel has to watch over Ben for an hour, alone. To entertain him, she finds nothing better than to teach him all the tricks of her childhood, so Ben is all of the sudden full of prank ideas. She tries to make him stop, instead he learns a couple of bad words. She feels a bit guilty, but she liked to be called Fun Aunt Rachel, and at the end Ross and Ben gang up together to prank her.
Joey gets the official papers from the internet to have the authority to marry Chandler and Monica. Trying to write his speech, Joey talks with them about how their story began. We get to see how that first night went, and then since Phoebe is there it comes out that Monica that night was actually looking for Joey (which makes sense, in a way, looking for meaningless sex? =Joey!)
Chandler is shocked and hurt.
For once in seven series, Joey finds the right words to say to make it better.
17 - The one with the cheap wedding dress
Ross meets a pretty girl called Kristen, and later Joey meets her too. Both sets a date with her. They talk to Chandler, so they all find out. They knew she was seeing someone else too, but didn’t know who. They plan to play fair and let her decide, but of course they don’t play fair. They start acting ridiculous and she goes away alone. (Btw, Joey wanted to borrow money bc he didn’t have 100$? He’s working now, he shouldn’t have the old money problems anymore…)
Monica chooses her dress and then, along with many other women, go to Brooklyn where she knows there is a sale. She has a plan, of course, and brings Phoebe and Rachel with her. Megan, a woman she met before, is there too and wants her dress, so she holds her down while Phoebe takes the dress. But then Megan books the same band Chandler wants and since he has good romantic reasons to want that band, Monica yields and gives her the dress in exchange for the band.
18 - The one with Joey's award
Joey was nominated for a Soapie, “the third most-prestigious soap opera award there is” (Rachel knows). Joey does not win, and even if Rachel warned him and made him practice his loser-face, he does not take it well. It's all so very embarrassing, he is so very embarrassing.
A guy fails Ross’ class, and tells him it’s because he can’t concentrate in class because he’s in love with him. He thinks he’s a sexy professor, but the guy only said it to get better grades.
Phoebe goes out with a new guy, and Monica starts freaking out that she’ll never get to go out with anyone else anymore. Talking about it with Chandler helps, since he’s not freaked out by it at all.
19 - The one with Ross and Monica's cousin
Joey has an audition for a big movie, but freaks out when he learns that he will have nude scenes. But what’s worse, is that he has to not be circumcised, and he is, so Monica tries to make him something with food to put right there and make it look like he isn’t, but it falls off at the last audition.
Cousin Cassie is coming to visit Monica. She can’t stay with her because her hair-movements enchant Chandler, but she can’t stay with Ross because after a while he tries to kiss her, so she goes to stay with Phoebe, and enchants even her.
Phoebe and Rachel find out at the last time that Monica expects a bridal shower, so try to organise one in two days, but it’s a disaster.
20 - The one with Rachel's big kiss
Rachel meets Melissa, a girl she knew in college: the only wild thing she ever did (apparently): on a drunk night they kissed. Joey keeps picturing it, but Phoebe doesn’t believe it, so Rachel invites her to dinner with them.
Melissa has a boyfriend, and tells her (calling her Ray Ray) that she doesn’t remember. Upset about it, Rachel kisses her again, and Melissa confesses her love, the poor thing. Then Phoebe kisses Rachel, to know what all the fuss was about.
Rachel gives Chander a tuxedo worn by Pierce Brosnan, and Ross one worn by Val Kilmer. Some tuxedo madness ensues, a bit silly and boring though.
Joey told Monica that his parents are coming to the wedding, so she has to rearrange everything.
21 - The one with the vows
It’s only one month to the wedding, and Monica and Chandler have troubles writing their vows.
Lots of flashbacks in this episodes.
22 - The one with Chandler's dad
Monica lets Ross drive the Porsche. She already let Joey and Phoebe, but not Rachel because she’s a terrible driver. Rachel takes the keys from Ross’ jacket. They take a drive even if Rachel’s license has not been renewed. She flirts with the officer when she’s stopped for speeding, and she gets away with it. Then Ross is stopped for going too slow, and tries to flirt in the same way… sob.
Chandler didn’t send his dad an invitation. Monica wants him to go to Vegas with her to meet him. His dad tried to get in contact with him many many times over the years, and Chandler always said he was too busy. Charles Bing is now the star of the show as Helena Handbasket. Chandler invites him to the wedding.
Phoebe still goes on with Jake, it’s a month now. Joey sees him wearing Phoebe’s pink underwear, and he tries on women’s underwear.
23 - The one with Monica and Chandler's wedding: part 1
Joey has a good chance in a movie, but his co-star keeps spitting while talking. Talking about it, he actually improves as an actor, but then they tell him he has to work the next day, the wedding day.
Monica asks Rachel to keep Chandler’s dad away from his mom, but she tells her he’s “the man in the black dress” and Rachel picks the wrong woman. It’s a celebration dinner, and Chandler freaks out every times he hears anyone say “the Bings”.
So he freaks out and leaves.
24 - The one with Monica and Chandler's wedding: part 2
Joey tells the director he’s going to have hair transplant, somewhere in his body, to get out early, but it doesn’t work, and Richard is drunk.
Chandler was hiding at his office. He makes it to the wedding, but then hears Phoebe and Rachel talking about Monica being pregnant. He freaks out only a little, but comes back.
Rachel found another one to perform the wedding, but at the last moment Joey arrives.
They get married, then Monica says she’s not pregnant, and we see it was Rachel.
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