Another fil against Spectre. This time it doesn’t start with a different story but with Bond’s death.He wanted to bed a Chinese girl but is shot dead. No worries, though, the title says it all.
The news is spread, newspapers write about the “British naval commander murdered” and we see the funeral on a ship, where they “commit his body to the deep”, “looking for the resurrection of the body” indeed. Under water people recovere his body and carry it inside a submarine. “Request permission to come aboard, sir” he already is. He greets “Penny” and is told by M the new mission. An astronaut and his vessel disappeared, we saw a bigger vessel capturing it - eating it like a whate - and Countries blame each other of course, the Us for one blames Russia of course and won’t change their mind. The British think differently and send Bond.
Penny says “the Chinese one we fixed you up with” asking how was the girl. “Another five minutes and I’d have found out”. This time he’s sent to Tokyo and refuses a dictionary saying “I tok a first in oriental languages at Cambridge”, he speaks it of course. To show us around, he goes to a sumo match where he meets a girl. To be sure she’s his contact, he uses the code words “I love you” and is taken to meetMr Henderson who has lived in Japan for many years. He tells him his “most vital contact will be Tanaka. He’s Head of the Japanese Secret Service and his identity is the most closely guarded secret in Japan” but his friends call him Tiger, Bond included…
Henderson gives him a drink “that’s, uh, stirred not shaken, that was right, wasn’t it?” Bond, graciously, says it is okay. Henderson is convinced that M’s theory “about the missile being fired from this Country is right” but also that “a major foreign power is behind it all”. He’s sure it’s not Russia or Japan but he can’t say more because he’s killed. Bond gets the assassin and takes his place to see where the waiting car will take him. The driver is a big Japanese man who carries him inside the Osato Chemicals building before finally noticing that underneath the sanitary mask there’s an imposter. They fight then Bond steals some random documents from a safe before escaping. The girl, Aki, is there to help him and drive him to safety. She leads him right to tanaka: “I am a trifle disappointed at the ease with which I could pull you in”, he says. “Never get into a car with a strange girl” is his advice, “but you, I’m afraid, will get into anything with any girl!”.
To make sure of his identity Bond… doesn’t have to say but instead asks: “if you’re Tanaka, how do you feel about me?” :-p so Tanaka tells him I love you and they’re good.
Tanaka has a private train too, not just a private office. He never travels “in the streets of Tokyo” because “it would be most unwise”.
They look into what they know: an innocent woman, an American tourist, has been killed for taking a picture . They have this picture and can read the name of a ship: “Ning-po” and see some diving girls.
Bond asks “who is the head of Osato Chemicals?” And surprise surprise, it’s Osato.
The scenes with the girls were most annoying: “In Japan, men always come first, women come second” - “I might just retire to here” because this is like Bond’s paradise :-/
They have four girls that was them while they talk “your English girls would never perform this simple service” - “I think I know one or two who might get round to it” :-/
Tanaka thinks he’s talking of Miss Moneypenny… this whole thing is very annoying and very untrue, and I’d like to add that with all the money and power he seems to have he could fiind both men and women in every Country to do whatever he wants… This idea that it’se asy to buy girls but not men is not only offensive on so many levels, but also very much untrue.
Back to the plot, Bond of course suspects that there’s some “private organization” doing this, Spectre, he’s done nothing but fight Spectre for years! Now Aki arrives ready to sleep with him :-/ “I think I will enjoy very much serving under you” :-/
Bond pretends to be a Mr Fisher to meet Osato: “you’re three-and-a-half minutes early” he’s told. In three minutes Osato arrives with his secretary, Miss Brandt. Osato doesn’t know he’s Bond, but knows he’s dangerous and orders to kill him, but Bond escapes, of course, Aki helps drive him away again.
Bond has Tanaka contact England and talk to M, I suppose, and “tell him to send little Nellie. Suggest es be accompanied by her father” and Q shows up with what Tanaka calls a toy helicopter, a light thing stored in four cases or so, but well armed.
Q: “look, 007, I’ve had a long and tiring journey, probably to no purpose, and I’m in no mood for your juvenile quips”. It may look like a toy but it’s small and fast, and so packed that it wins against four big enemy helicopters, it withstands machine guns and it replies with rockets - which appear to be shot quite at random and without aiming, and maybe even in a greater number than the enemies… one wonders what happens to those that don’t hit one… not important, I know, let’s not think at all.
The Russians make a space launch and it happens again, the unknows enemy captures vessel and cosmonauts.
The Americans insist that Russia did it, and that “the British theory about Japan is nonsense”. When Bond goes to the docks to investigate the Ning-po an whatever, he’s attacked by many men and ultimately captured. Brandt has him tid up in her cabin on the Ning-po, trying to figure out who he is and what he wants. He’s like: “Now, what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” And she’s all over him, long before he comes up with a story offering her 150.000$ to help him. She frees him and he cuts her dress - what a barbarian - and “oh the things I do for England”
They’re supposed to go away together but she leaves him on the plane and parachutes out. He wasn’t well restrained at all because he frees himself in no time. Tanaka: “chasing girls will be the end of you, Bond-san” and Aki is jealous: “he didn’t chase her, he wouldn’t touch that horrible girl” *sigh*
Well, she won’t have her heart broken because she’ll soon die in his place: a ninja assassin had a brilliant dea to pour poison in his mouth while asleep, but they slept together, he moved away, she moved near, both sleeping they didn’t notice until that drop was enough to kill her.
Spectre’s number 1 does not appreciate that they failed again to kill Bond. He does not have sharks, but he has “piranha fist” that “can strip a man to the bone in 30 seconds” and that’s the end of the red-head, Miss Brandt. Foor for piranha.
Spectre is working for some people who want a war between Russia and the US, and number 1 asks for more money, and earlier: “this is extortion” - “extortion is my business” :lol: indeed, it’s the final E I think.
Brandt was number 11.
Tanaka has his own “ninja training school”, his own little army, and of course his own gadgets like rocket guns and baby rockes inside cigarettes.
Tanaka’s plan for Bond is: 1, for him to “become a Japanese”, done with a bit of makeup and fake hair, but the face is the same, he’s a bit like Sarek. 2, “you train hard and quickly to become a ninja, like us” and honestly, was it really necessary? No, it wasn’t.
3, to give him “extra special cover” they give Bond a fake wife, he must appear to be there on the island to marry a local girl. Bond wonders if she’s pretty because his brain is low… and Tanaka taunts him saying “she has a face like a pig” but of course she’s beautiful, they would never have a girl in a Bond movie if she wasn’t beautiful.
This girl is an agent of Tanaka’s, but we’re not even told her name. The subtitles say “Bond’s wife” and it’s only in the ending credits that we’ll read “Kissy”… Kissy is her name… *sigh*
Bond is quite disappointed that their first night on the island whe wants to sleep: “no honeymoon, this is business”. He sulks until Tanaka comes with news that there will be soon an American launch. She says that day there was the funeral of a girl: her boat entered a big cave, and when it came out she was dead. So they go looking . He is sure there’s tunnels that reach the volcano so they need to go there: “do you think you can make it?” *sigh* a walk that far with her girl legs and her girl stamina, will she ever make it? *sigh* of course she does, and when they discover that inside it, what looks to be a deep lake is actually a metal cover to the Spectre inside, she runs to warn Tanaka. She runs all the way down and swims back, avoiding the enemy helicopter firing at her, and comes back with Tanaka and his ninja.
Bond gets in, frees the cosmonauts and tries to infiltrate the basel ike he often does, but number 1 understands and they’re finally face to face: Ernst Stavro Blofeld. “They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong” - “yes, this is my second life” - “you only live twice, Mr Bond”
Blofeld also says “I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr Bond” and yet he doesn’t.
Blofeld lets him look and hear everything, and even lets him have his cigarettes so that he can kill the man at the controls. Once again Blofeld says “this is the price of failure, Mr Bond” and he shoots Osato instead, taking Bond along for a few more meters, finally aiming his gun and saying “goodbye Mr Bond” when he’s in plain view and Tanaka can save Bond.
Blofeld is so nice with Bond, really.
Bond has learned that “there’s an exploder button up in the control room” of course there is, every base must have a self-destruct button, right?
Bond fights big, blond Hans, throwing him to the piranha. Bond makes it with a handful of seconds to spare; the vessel in space blows up, the base too but slowly, to give them time to get to safety, of course.
Well, Bond pushes the button for the vessel, it’s Blofeld who activates the base-destruction. Bond and wife escape and get on a “dinghy”, and that’s it, as far as Bond’s concerned, he ony thinks of his happy endiing alone with the girl. He talks again of their “honeymoon” because he only has one thought, and she says “but they’ll never let you stay” as if he would want to. He says “they’ll never find us” and they find themselves above M’s submarien.
Moneypenny is quite pleased when M orders her to call him and “tell him to come below and report”, effectively interrupting whatever honeymoon he had in mind.
The ending credits inform us that this is “the end of You only live twice but James Bond will be back: On Her Majesty’s secret service”
James Bond is Sean Connery
Aki is Mie Hama
Tiger Tanaka is Tetsuro Tamba
Brandt is Karin Dor
Blofeld is Donald Pleasence
M is Bernard Lee
Miss Moneypenny is Lois Maxwell
Q is Desmond Llewelyn
ITA si vive solo due volte
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